A Day in the Life of Exhaustion

5:15 seems much too early to wake up, especially considering the fact that I am not a morning person.  My oldest, Jakey, rises before the sun many days and is ready for the day.  Thankfully, we have taught him how to turn on the cartoons and he is pretty good about lying on the couch quietly for at least the first hour of waking up.  I normally get up too and stumble to the kitchen making my vanilla chai.  Yesterday I had two cups and still, the exhaustion was overwhelming.  I sat and thought about crawling back in bed and letting the family care for themselves for the day, which obviously, was not a possibility.  I prayed for God to give me the strength for the day.  He gently reassured me that though being a mom is far from an exhausting job, it had many more rewards than even I could fathom.

As the day unfolded, so did the noise, the dipaers needing to be changed, the meals that needed to be made, the phone calls, the spills, the childish squabbles that needed a referee, which by the way... do moms out there ever feel more like a referee than a mother?  The endless dishes, the giant to-do list on my kitchen counter, the errands that would probably not be accomplished for the day, and lets not forget about the laundry!  If you know me at all, you know I am not a fan of laundry.  As I was on the phone with our mortgage company in the morning, I could hear my one-year-old crying from his crib in the next room.  I could also hear my other two fighting over trains downstairs.  I think it was at that point that I wished I had a different job.  Going back to my previous life as a kindergarten teacher was sounding quite appealing at that particular point in the morning.  I began to feel overwhelmed as the anxiety set into my stomach, thinking about the fact that there was no one else to do this "job".  I have an incredible husband who helps more than I imagined, but still... I am the bottom line.  No one else on earth is as responsible for these three boys as I am. 

The day went on and my exhaustion grew more intense and I remember counting down the minutes to naptime.  If moms are honest, they will admit that there are days we live for naptime.  An opportunity to hear nothing but the running water from the electric cat water dish while sitting in the kitchen reading.  Some days I get lots accomplished during naptime, but yesterday I would relish in the peace.  As I thought more about the day and began to feel guilty for wishing my office wasn't my home, I realized it was okay to feel that way from time to time.  Because even though there were definitely days I felt this way, ultimately in my heart I wouldn't trade anything in the world for a life of being a stay-at-home mom.  The many moments of refereeing allowed me to teach my boys how to use kind and loving words when speaking to each other.  I have the opportunity of a lifetime, watching my boys grow and learn more about the Lord and all the many life lessons that come up each day.  As I sat in the quiet thinking about my role as a mother, I felt comforted knowing that God sees all that I do and appreciates it.  My boys don't thank me for changing their diapers or cleaning up spilled milk, they don't thank me for getting up 25 times during a meal to assist with feeding, getting another cup of water, or teaching them how to hold a fork to eat with instead of using it as a drum stick.  But God sees every single detail of what I do.  He sees every diaper I change, every meal I make, every tear I wipe away, every boo boo I kiss, every load of laundry I do (Wow that is a lot of laundry!) ... He appreciates it and loves me for it.  In the midst of the overwhelming and exhausting moments, He is watching and cares.  That brings me more comfort than anything else and even brings me joy!

Psalm 94:19 -- "When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."